Orange Revolution in Crisis!

The Ukraine is in fresh crisis today as a major sponsor withdraws its support.

A spokesman for Hutchinson Telecom told our reporters “We no longer feel that the events and people of the Ukraine reflect out brand’s positive image. We see Orange as a product which represents style, dynamism and innovation. It’s unfortunate, but the people out there are frankly a bit shabby and they just don’t look good holding our phones. We think it will be better for all parties concerned if Orange and the Ukraine go their separate ways.”

World trade analyst Spirito De Punto declared the changes were inevitable. “There are simply not enough eight-year-olds who are aware of the Ukraine. That’s what they need to make the partnership viable.” He explained. “Mobile telecom companies make their money by convincing children that their services and products are must have accessories. You’re unlikely to get a teenager to get up for a 5AM paper round so that he can buy calling credit if you’re going to rely on a bankrupt nation to do your advertising for you.”

But President Victor Yushchenko remained resolute. “We will continue to hold our revolution with or without a major sponsor.” He announced. “There will be no change in policy. This is a mere set-back. Soon we shall have a new corporate partner, preferably with the right coloured logo, and all will be well again. Even as we speak my, Foreign Secretary is on the phone to the CEO of Fanta."

But whether or not the Ukraine can survive without corporate money is open to debate. Just last week the Russian Gas Company was accused of extortion after temporarily cutting of the entire nation’s gas supply.

However, the Gas Company’s press secretary, Vladmir Smirnof, bitterly denied the accusations of underhanded goings on. “Our agents called on the Ukraine six times in the last month, but every time they all pretended to be out. We’ve left them our helpline number and even offered to install a card meter if they are having financial difficulty, but they still refuse to contact our customer services team.”


More details as they happen.