KLOOOST Fury at Flying Dutchman

Today KLOOOST Campaigners rounded on the offices of Miss Cynthia Ramspart, 87, to vent their anger after last nights events.

Captain van der Decken, a KLM Airlines pilot, became confused and bewildered by the overpowering Christmas lights along Holmfirth highstreet, and landed the Boing 747 with its nose cone resting over the junction of Woodhead road.

Flight KL74. Now Boarding at Hollowgate.

“It’s all we bloody well needed.” Albert Yewsnipple, 96, told our reporter. “I said! Didn’t I say? They won’t bloody listen, tha’ knows.” Barely a week ago, Mr Yewsnipple spoke to us, predicting that this very incident would take place. “Well, we’ve got evidence now. As well as a town centre that’s full of bloomin’ Dutch tourists. As if we haven’t enough to worry about at this time of year.”

Mrs Ramspart addressed the new arrivals from the library steps, welcoming them all to Holmfirth and handing out the telephone numbers of the two local Bed and Breakfast facilities. “I’m sure you’ll all be able to find room. And I know Mrs Crowbagger has a couple of French exchange students staying, so you’re sure to feel right at home there.”

However, as morning arrived, there was still no word of a recovery plan from KLM.

“I’m sure they will be able to move on in time.” Mrs Rampart said. “We might need to lengthen the road by a few feet, to provide adequate take off space, but this is more of a matter for the planning committee.”

George Tuppwanger, the community police officer, was less optimistic about matters. “I’m just not sure we can allow this aeroplane to sit here indefinitely.” He said. “There are clearly three bald tyres, and he’s not displaying a valid road fund licence. I can give KLM until the end of the day but if a they don’t remove it quickly we’ll have to arrange for the vehicle to be towed away.”


Protestors mingle with Dutch tourists this morning

But it wasn’t all bad news. Despite the high street being effectively blocked to all traffic, the local bakery was doing an excellent trade. “We’ve not stopped all day.” Mrs Edith Molepunter, 84, told our reporter. “We’ve had a bit of a run on Danish pastries as you can imagine, but the most popular of all our products has been the Christmas parkin. I’ve been talking to Captain van der Decken and he says we might be able to arrange this every year.”

A spokesman from KLM would only talk Dutch. Which was no bloody use to anyone.